Call it Love
by Icetina
Summary: A journey through Brian and Justin's relationship post 5x13.


**Disclaimer: They're not mine. :(**

**A/N: I very recently discovered Queer as Folk and I quickly fell very deeply in love. It's been years since I've completed a story. This started as one scene that I couldn't get out of my head, then morphed into something else entirely. It's fluffy.**

**{*}**

**Call it Love**

Brian looked up as the loft door slid open. Images of the past flashed through his mind when he saw Justin and it was like the first time all over again; Justin looking so nervous, like he wasn't sure what would happen when the door slid shut. Brian smiled to himself. As much as he had wanted to believe Justin, he hadn't been sure that the image of Justin framed in his doorway was something he would ever see again. They spoke on the phone regularly and had discussed visiting each other, but they had both been so busy, they hadn't managed it.

"I would have picked you up at the airport," Brian said.

"It's a Friday night. I didn't expect to find you here." Justin had planned on dropping his stuff at Brian's and then heading out to find him. He hadn't told Brian that he was coming. He had wanted it to be a surprise and he was a little nervous about what would happen when they saw each other again. It was one thing to say feelings wouldn't change; it was another to accept it as the truth.

"Michael told me you were coming."

That one sentence told Justin more than any declaration of love or sentiment could have. All his fears melted away. Brian had stayed home because he knew Justin would be coming by the loft, it was a huge indication of how much their relationship had changed in just the past few months. It was a bittersweet revelation for Justin.

Brian stood and slowly walked over to Justin, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

"I missed you," Justin spoke against Brian's chest, "Want to go get a drink? I had a terrible flight." Justin didn't really want to leave the loft. It had been too long since he and Brian had seen each other, and he wanted nothing more than to stay right where he was, wrapped in Brian's arms.

Brian leaned passed Justin and slowly slid the door shut, "Later." He pushed Justin back against the door and pressed his body against him, capturing Justin's lips in a heated kiss. It was hard and messy and it communicated everything the two needed to say. It told Justin that Brian missed him and was glad to see him. It told Brian how relieved Justin was that Brian still wanted him just as much as he wanted Brian. Most of all, it spoke of love. It told them both that nothing had changed.

Brian unzipped Justin's jacket, quickly pushed it off his shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt before the jacket even hit the ground. He pressed open-mouthed kisses across Justin's chest and down his stomach, he knelt in front of Justin and curled his fingers into the top of Justin's pants, pulling him as close as possible as he ran his mouth along Justin's hard cock that was straining against the front of his jeans.

"God," Justin moaned, threading his fingers into Brian's hair.

"Not quite, but I appreciate the thought," Brian replied, smirking up at Justin.

"I missed you so much," Justin pulled Brian back to his feet and Brian leaned in to kiss him. This time it was slow and tender, like Brian realized what was happening and didn't want to rush it. He wanted Justin to feel loved and to remind him that he was different from the others.

"Oh yeah?" Brian finally replied. He rested his forehead against Justin's for a moment before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bed. "Come show me how much." He threw a quick wink over his shoulder, making Justin laugh.

Brian pushed Justin onto the bed and climbed on top of him, grinding their hips together and moaning at the friction it created. Justin lifted his head to kiss Brian, pulling him down so every inch of their bodies were touching.

After that it was a flurry of kisses and touches, clothes being ripped off and then Brian was sliding into Justin and it was like the last two months hadn't happened.

They moved together slowly, it had been a long time since they were together and Brian knew Justin would need a little extra time to adjust to having Brian inside him once again.

He leaned down to kiss Justin's neck as he slowly began stroking Justin's cock. It wasn't long before Justin grabbed Brian's hips, urging him to move faster. A silent request that Brian was happy to oblige. He moaned at the pleasure brought on by the change of pace.

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's back and pulled him closer. Brian lost himself in the sounds Justin was making and the feeling of Justin's body beneath were back together and they were in love. It was like they had never said goodbye. New York didn't exist.

Brian had been right, it was only time.

"Still want to get that drink?" Brian asked much later, as they lay in bed together. Justin's head was resting on his shoulder and he was slowly running his fingers through Justin's hair.

"I never want to get out of this bed," Justin responded, sleep blurring the edges of his words. He wrapped an arm around Brian's waist, pulling himself closer.

"Don't tell me I've worn you out already," Brian said, placing a delicate kiss on Justin's forehead.

"Please, you'll have to do more than that, old man," Justin's taunt was ruined, however, when he yawned. Brian laughed.

"Sleep. There'll be plenty of time for catching up in the morning,"

"I have to meet Michael early," Justin propped himself up in bed in a feeble attempt to fight his exhaustion, "We only have a couple days to sort out everything for the new issue of Rage. We have to go over the final story and artwork. There's only so much you can work out over the phone."

"Don't worry about Mikey. He'll understand," Brian said with a smirk. He leaned up to kiss Justin, slowly pulling him down against his chest. He rolled Justin onto his back and broke the kiss. "Go to sleep, Sunshine. We can continue this in the morning." Justin snuggled back into Brian's embrace and marveled at the feelings of love and completeness as he drifted off to sleep.

{*}

Justin woke up to the feeling of strong arms around him and a firm body spooned against him. He rolled himself over to face Brian.

"Mmm. Mornin', Sunshine," Brian smiled and leaned in to kiss Justin gently. "How'd you sleep?"

"It was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

"Me too," Brian responded, offhandedly. He slowly ran his hand down Justin's body and squeezed his half-hard cock. "I've missed waking up to this." He slowly started stroking Justin, pressing kisses along the side of Justin's neck, moving up to capture Justin's mouth.

The phone rang.

"Shit! Who the fuck is calling at," Brian glanced over at the clock, "10:30. Oh."

Justin laughed, "Guess I wasn't the only one tired out last night." He crawled off the bed and headed to the shower as Brian picked up the phone.

As the hot water poured over his body, Justin closed his eyes and let the events of the previous night wash over him. He had been so nervous about showing up at the loft. He had been glad when Brian kept the loft when they decided not to get married. It was such a part of who Brian was, and it held so much of their history. Justin didn't realize how much he had missed it until his cab had pulled up in front of the building. He honestly hadn't expected to find Brian at home, but a small part of him was worried that he would slide that door open to find Brian fucking some guy.

He and Brian spoke often and he knew that Brian hadn't reverted fully to his old lifestyle when Justin moved to New York, but he still went out and still fucked other guys. It didn't really bother him to know that Brian still brought home random men. They hadn't been monogamous when they were together, Justin didn't expect it now that they were living hundreds of miles apart. Justin had fallen in love with Brian knowing exactly who he was, but there were nights when he and Brian would talk for hours on the phone that would remind him that he had a relationship with Brian that no one else ever would and that Brian really had changed. That was enough for him.

Justin was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of the shower door opening behind him. Brian reached over his shoulder to grab the shampoo. "I have to go," he said as he massaged shampoo into Justin's hair.

"I knew I shouldn't have listened to you," Justin said, smiling. "'_We'll_ _have plenty of time to catch up in the morning_'" He mocked.

"That was the realtor on the phone. The one selling Babylon. We have to meet to go over some of the final paperwork. Just a few more days and my baby will be gone."

Justin didn't say anything for a moment while he tilted his head back to rinse the shampoo from his hair. "You shouldn't sell it," he said, finally.

Brian was silent for so long that Justin opened his eyes to find Brian staring at him with a look of confusion on his face. "What?" Brian finally asked, moving to rinse the shampoo out of his own hair.

"You heard me," Justin lathered soap over his body as he spoke. "You should keep it. Reopen it."

"It's been destroyed. People don't want to party there. It's filled with memories of bombs and death." Brian grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower. Any time Justin had tried to talk to Brian about his decision to sell the club, Brian had changed the subject. He had decided to sell it right after the bombing and, though he would never say it, Justin knew how hard it was for him to let it go and he didn't want Brian to regret it. He knew how important Babylon was to Brian, and to himself. It was a huge part of their lives and the lives of most gay men in Pittsburgh.

"And it should be," Justin shut off the shower, grabbing a towel as he followed Brian out of the shower. "No one should ever forget what happened there, but it's a huge part of a lot of people's lives, especially yours. It's been around for a long time. It's a part of this community. It should be reopened to honour those who were killed by that bomb. Make sure their lives weren't lost in vain. Shutting it down, that's letting them win. You can't let them defeat us. It's about standing up for what we deserve."

"I'm not turning my club into some political statement."

"It already is a political statement; the bomber took care of that. Now it's up to you to decide what kind of statement you want it to be."

{*}

"So, Mr. Taylor," Brian began, as they drove towards the airport two days later. "I trust you enjoyed your stay in our lovely city." Justin's visit wasn't nearly as long as Brian would have liked for it to be, but he wanted to keep things light. He didn't want Justin to know how much he hated that he had to leave.

"I wish I didn't have to leave," Justin responded, unknowingly echoing Brian's thoughts.

"I'm sure that's not something often said about Pittsburgh," Brian laughed. "Your fabulous new life is waiting for you in the big city, can't be wasting time here."

"I'm not sure fabulous is the word to use." Justin sighed, running his hand through his hair. "It kind of feels like LA all over again. I've been working my ass off and I still can't find a gallery to sell my work."

"These things take time. It's only been a couple months. It's all about connections, you just need some time to network and establish yourself in New York. It's not going to be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is."

"I don't need your fucking fortune cookie bullshit. I know that it isn't going to be easy, and I know it will require lots of work, but everyday I'm in New York, achieving nothing, it just reminds me of everything I gave up to go."

Brian was silent as he pulled into a parking space at the airport. He turned off the car before he turned to Justin. "Listen to me," he said. "Are you listening?" He placed a hand on Justin's cheek and forced Justin to look at him. Upon Justin's nod, he continued, "We agreed this was the best thing for both of us. Our relationship never would have worked the way it was. But you didn't give anything up. Before you left, you said that we didn't need rings or vows to prove we love each other. Well, you were right. Convention has never worked for us, but we still work. We still love each other. So, it doesn't matter if we see each other every day or once a year. We'll always be here. We will survive. Don't think that your going off to New York has cost you anything. The art will take time, I can't change that, but you will make it and it will all be worth it. And I'll still be here. And I'll still love you."

"Brian," Justin's voice cracked with emotion. He didn't know what to say, how to express that Brian had just said exactly what he needed to hear. He pulled Brian to him and buried his face in Brian's shoulder. He took several deep breaths to keep himself from breaking down completely. Brian simply held him until Justin pulled back. Justin pressed his lips to Brian's in a slow and tender kiss.

"Now come on, Sunshine," Brian said when they pulled away, "You've got a plane to catch. And _I_ have a club to reopen."

{*}{*}{*}

Justin put down his brush and wiped his hands on his pants, trying to avoid getting more paint on his phone, "Hello?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Just working on a painting. You?"

"Just got off the phone with a potential new client. Looks like I'll be headed your way next week."

"No way!" Justin was unable to hide his excitement. It had only been a couple weeks since he had visited Pittsburgh, but for years he had seen Brian almost every day and although they spoke often, Justin still missed the days of seeing him every day. "How long are you staying for?"

"Well, the meeting is in the morning, so I _could_ make it a day trip..."

"Oh, well maybe we could get together for lunch, if you're not too busy," Justin couldn't help the disappointment from staining his words.

"Or, if you're free, there is a 6am flight back to Pittsburgh the next morning."

"That's a better idea," Justin laughed.

{*}

Justin was watching a movie when he finally heard a knock at his door. Brian had called that morning to tell him that his flight had been delayed, so he had been forced to turn the meeting into a dinner. Justin was disappointed, but Brian promised that he would stop by Justin's apartment as soon as the meeting ended, and that he would try not to make it too late.

Justin's roommates had invited him out and then mocked him mercilessly when he told them he was staying in to watch a movie. Justin hadn't told them much about Brian or his life in Pittsburgh. He wanted to start over in New York, without all the baggage of his Pittsburgh life.

"Brian," Justin's face lit up as he opened his door for Brian. His expression quickly changed when he registered the sight of Brian leaning against his door frame. "You look like shit. What's wrong?"

Brian pushed past Justin into the apartment and collapsed onto the couch, curling his knees into his chest. "Food poisoning. Fucking client wanted to try a new sushi place. Asshole."

"Ugh! How many times have I told you not to eat sushi? Guess this isn't going to be the night in bed I had planned."

"You sure know how to make me feel better," Brian spoke with his eyes closed, discomfort marring his features.

Justin moved to sit in front of Brian on the couch, squeezing into the space between his legs and stomach and sliding an arm behind Brian to slowly rub his back. He leaned down to wipe the sweat from Brian's forehead, placing a soft kiss against his temple and whispered in his ear, "Why don't you get up and come to bed?"

"All right, but I'm not in peak form, so don't expect too much." Brian forced a sarcastic smile.

"You've never disappointed me before." Justin pulled Brian off the couch. He wrapped an arm around Brian's waist and pulled Brian's arm over his shoulder. Justin realized how truly terrible Brian was feeling when he felt Brian lean against him as they walked to Justin's room. Justin lowered Brian to sit on the edge of his bed. He knelt on the floor in front of him and unbuttoned his shirt. He leaned in to kiss Brian as he slid Brian's shirt off his shoulders, then he pushed Brian back and pulled off his jeans. As soon as Justin was done, Brian moved fully onto the bed. Justin pulled a blanket over him.

Justin quickly went to the kitchen to grab some water, stopping in the bathroom to check for some type of medication to make Brian feel better. He found Brian was already asleep when he returned. He put everything next to the bed, and pulled off his own clothes to crawl into bed behind Brian, he spooned against him and wrapped an arm around his waist. He listened to Brian's slow breaths and took comfort in being with him again even if it wasn't the night he had planned.

It may not have been the night Justin expected, but the next morning when Brian, still feeling unwell, kissed him goodbye and left for the airport, Justin realized that it was exactly the night he needed.

{*}{*}{*}

"Justin! To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?" Justin smiled at the sound of Brian's cheerful greeting.

"Wow, someone's in a good mood," Justin replied.

"The reopening of Babylon was a big fat fucking success! There was a line-up around the block all weekend. _And_ it always makes me happy to get a phone call from a hot, well-hung guy."

"Well, I'm glad you're in such a good mood. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for the big night." Justin had agreed to do some freelance work for a magazine in New York and had been stuck working for the weekend. He had been disappointed that he couldn't make it, but he knew that Brian understood, and that Brian would be angry if Justin had given up the opportunity.

"I have a feeling you didn't just call because you were feeling guilty. What's up?"

"There's a small gallery in the city that has offered to give me a show in their gallery. And not as a charity event, or as a group showing. An actual show of my own!" Justin was still standing outside the gallery. His meeting had been over for less than five minutes, but he couldn't wait to share his news with Brian. They had given up a life together so he could pursue an art career in New York, so it was nice to have a door to success opening for him.

"Of course they did! Your work's fucking incredible," Brian responded. There was so much genuine happiness in his voice that Justin couldn't help but fall in love with him a little bit more. Brian's reaction was everything Justin hoped for. He only wished they could celebrate together. "My boy's gonna be a big star! I wish I was there to help you celebrate."

Justin laughed out loud. "I was just thinking the same thing. Guess we've been together too long."

"Probably. So, when's opening night?"

"The first of next month. It's one of the galleries I visited when I first moved here. Something fell through with another artist, so they gave me a call. It's just a small show. Most of the work is already done, so it shouldn't be a problem to have everything ready. I am hoping to finish the piece I am working on so it can be included."

"The first of next month? I have a business trip to meet with a client. I'll have it rescheduled."

"Brian, no. You don't have to come. I don't expect you to change your schedule. Your business should come first."

"The point of having your own business is being able to do whatever you want. It's not a big deal."

"There will be other openings." Justin loved that Brian wanted to come and support him, but he would feel guilty knowing Brian was changing his schedule for him.

"Of course there will be, but this is your first. I've been there for all the major firsts in your life." Justin knew Brian was smiling and Justin couldn't help but smile as well. "I told you when I asked you to marry me that I would do anything to make you happy. It's still true. So I will be there and I don't want to hear you say another fucking word about it." Justin's heart clenched. He didn't know what to say. Sometimes Brian would shock him with these surprisingly romantic words and he would forget all the reasons they had decided to separate. Living apart was probably the best thing to have happened to their relationship and Justin was incredibly happy with the way things were, but it still made him a little sad whenever he was reminded that they hadn't gotten married and, no matter how much they loved each other, they were living separate lives.

Justin also knew that when there was something Brian had his mind set on, there was nothing he could do to change it. So he decided not to argue and just be glad that Brian was so good to him. "Brian, thank you. I love you,"

"I know. Me too."

{*}{*}{*}

Brian walked into the diner and smiled at the sight of Justin sitting among their group of friends. Justin's art show had been wildly successful and he had wanted to celebrate by taking a trip with Brian, but Brian couldn't get away from work. They had argued for over an hour when Justin decided to come to Pittsburgh to spend time with Brian instead of going on a vacation like he had wanted. Brian had been upset that Justin was giving up something he wanted to be with Brian. He argued that the whole reason Justin had moved to New York was to have a life that wasn't controlled by his love for Brian. Justin had argued that he wouldn't enjoy taking a trip on his own anyway, but that he wanted to get away from New York and Pittsburgh was his home and held more for him than just Brian. In the end, they had decided to take a trip together in a couple months. Brian wanted to see Justin and he couldn't stop him from coming anyway, so he wasn't going to waste a chance to spend time together by being angry.

It was the middle of the week which meant that Brian was spending his days at work, so Justin spent his days visiting everyone else and his nights with Brian. He had used the last couple days to work on Rage with Michael, trying to get some work done on the next issue while they had the time together. It was like it had been before Justin moved away. It was a bittersweet feeling for Brian.

"Can I get a turkey sandwich, no mayo?" Brian called to Debbie, sliding into the booth next Justin and throwing an arm around his shoulders and kissing him quickly on the mouth. "Hey you. Guys."

Brian sat quietly listening as Justin and Michael told everyone about the story they had planned for Rage. He ate his sandwich and enjoyed the enthusiasm Justin displayed as he talked about the comic. Justin's hand was on Brian's leg under the table, thumb gently stroking Brian's knee. It was two of the things he loved most about Justin, the enthusiasm with which he approached everything he did, and the easy way he had of showing affection with subtle intimacies.

"What are you two lovebirds up to tonight?" Emmett asked. Their friends still weren't really sure how to treat the relationship between Brian and Justin. As far as any of them knew, the two had broken up when Justin moved to New York. When Justin came back for the first time, they had all asked questions about what was going on, about why things didn't seem to have changed. Brian and Justin had both side-stepped the questions and eventually their friends had just accepted that they seemed happy with whatever relationship they had. Brian and Justin had never really discussed the change in their relationship, it was just understood that when they were together, they were together. That was all the understanding they needed. They loved each other; they didn't need commitment to prove it.

"I thought we'd head home, curl up in front of the fireplace and reminisce about the time we took the kids to Disneyland," Brian responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Taking advantage of the short window of time you have together to have as much sex as possible, then?" Ted interpreted.

"Sounds about right," Justin responded, leaning over to kiss Brian. Brian moved his hand into Justin's hair and Justin ran his hand up Brian's leg. Just as he was about to reach Brian's cock, Michael cleared his throat. "No need to start right here. People are eating," he said. One great side effect of not seeing each other regularly was that by the time they were together, Brian and Justin were both so horny that the sex was even more incredible.

"Guess that's our cue, Sunshine." Brian slid out of the booth and grabbed Justin's hand to pull him to follow.

"Just don't keep him up too late," Michael called behind them, "We've still got lots of work to do!"

"You know," Brian began when they were in the elevator to the loft, "It's nice to have you back." He wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulders and panted a chaste kiss on his lips. "There's nothing like a great fuck to dispel the stress of a hard day at work."

"Ever the romantic," Justin replied, laughing. Brian may not have been one for sentiment, but Justin had known him long enough to know how to discern his meaning. "I'm sure you had no problem dispelling the stress while I was gone." He and Brian didn't often talk about what went on with other guys while they weren't together. It was one of those unspoken aspects of their relationship; they both knew there were other guys for both of them, but when they were together, there was no one else.

When the elevator stopped Brian wrapped his hand around the front of Justin's belt and pulled him close, kissing him slowly as he walked them backwards out of the elevator and into the loft. They were about halfway to the bedroom before Justin pulled away. "Wait, Brian, I have something for you."

Brian slid his hand inside the front of Justin's jeans, slowly caressing his hard cock. He leaned into Justin's body and whispered into his ear, "Why Sunshine, you always know just what I want, and it's so big, too. I can't wait to unwrap it."

"Brian." Justin placed a hand on Brian's chest and gently pushed him away.

"All right," Brian relented and Justin walked into the bedroom. "Well, I like where this is going," he said, following Justin. Justin walked back towards him and handed him a small piece of paper. Brian looked down at the cheque. "What is this for?" He asked.

"The gallery sent me the money from the artwork that I sold. Consider this loan repayment."

"I don't want your money," Brian said, holding the cheque out to Justin, "Keep it."

"You paid for my education and the agreement was that I would pay you back. With interest. I'm making money now from my art and from Rage. It's time I paid you back."

"I don't care about that. Keep your money. Lose your pants. Get on the bed."

"Brian, take the money. I know you don't need it, but I need to give it to you. You've always been there to take care of me when I needed you. Please. Just take it." Brian sighed, folded the cheque, and put it in his pocket. "Thank you," Justin leaned in to kiss Brian. He stepped back, slowly unzipped his jeans, and turned his back to Brian and pushed his jeans over his ass until they fell to the floor. He threw a wink over his shoulder and crawled onto the bed.

Brian quickly pulled off his jeans and crawled on top of Justin, "Let's get this evening back on schedule."

"I came to see you. I don't want to spend all fucking day at some lame classical music concert."

Justin had known it would be a hard sell when his agent roped him into attending an emerging artists concert on the same weekend that Brian was planning to visit. He knew that if he told Brian of the obligation beforehand, he would probably suggest rescheduling the trip, so he had waited until Brian had arrived and they were lying in bed after brilliant sex to tell him about it.

"It's a couple hours. It'll be fun." Justin knew the argument was weak. He didn't even believe it himself. He also knew that it didn't matter. Brian would do this for him.

"I think you're misusing that word."

"Brian, come on. My agent says it's a good idea. That I need to get out and network. Meet some people who are interested in the arts. It's not enough to have my work in a gallery. I need to make people want to buy it. And I want to go. Please?" Justin had met Max Caulfield at his show several months earlier. Max had approached him near the end of the night and asked if Justin had representation, and had offered his services when Justin replied in the negative. Justin had called Lindsey as early as was acceptable the next morning to ask if she knew about him or knew anyone who did. When Justin told he had offered to represent him, Lindsey had nearly dropped the phone. Max Caulfield was the best agent in New York for emerging artists, she had said. She told him that he had helped launch many careers and Justin would be a fool not to graciously accept his offer. So he did.

"Oh, Sunshine, you know how I love it when you beg,"

Justin dropped to his knees in front of Brian, "And I know how you love it when I show my gratitude. Maybe you should give me a reason to be thankful." He looked up at Brian, trying for a look of innocence as he started unzipping Brian's pants.

"Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no?"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Brian exclaimed, drawing looks from the people sitting around them. The Master of Ceremonies had just announced Ethan Gold to be the next performer.

"Oh my God, Brian, I swear I had no idea he would be here," Justin responded, lowering his voice to prevent the people still looking at them from overhearing. He flipped through the program and found a loose paper that had been slipped inside. "Apparently one of the violinists broke their wrist, he's filling in for the second half of the tour."

"Well, aren't we lucky."

"We can leave, Brian. I'll just tell Max that I'm feeling sick,"

Brian grabbed Justin's hand, "No, we aren't leaving." They had come to the show as a benefit to Justin's career; Brian wouldn't let anything get in the way of that.

{*}

"How'd you enjoy the show?" Max asked.

"It was great. Thanks for the tickets."

"Anytime. Now, it's time to mingle, there are people I want you to meet." Justin looked over his shoulder as Max led him away, hesitating briefly.

"Go on, Sunshine, I'll be fine."

Brian could hear Max asking Justin about him as they walked away. He really didn't mind attending the concert. He was glad to see Justin's life on the right track and to see him making his own way in the world. It was everything Brian wanted for him.

"Well, you're the last person I expected to see here." Brian turned to see Ethan standing next to him. He had hoped that Ethan wouldn't be around after the show. He didn't really want to talk to him, but he knew that if he behaved anyway other than politely indifferent, it would give Ethan the impression that Brian wasn't over what happened.

"You don't know me that well."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was in the city, thought I take in the opportunity to get a little culture. You gave an excellent performance." Brian could tell by the look on Ethan's face that he chose the exact right thing to say. Ethan couldn't believe that Brian would compliment his performance.

"Brian!" Brian and Ethan both turned at the sound of Justin's voice. Brian took a moment to marvel in the look of shock that crossed Ethan's face as he saw Justin walking towards them. Brian smirked as Ethan looked between him and Justin. Brian was glad he and Justin already knew Ethan would be around, and weren't caught off guard the way Ethan was. Brian knew it was petty, but he was satisfied nonetheless.

"Hey, Ethan. Great Performance." Brian could have kissed Justin for such a perfect greeting. He knew that Justin was shaken by Ethan's sudden reappearance. Brian knew that Justin was fully over Ethan, it wasn't even a concern, but he also knew that Justin would worry about how Ethan's presence would affect Brian. Brian had once drunken confided in Justin about how hard it had actually been for him when Justin left him for Ethan.

"Well this day is just full of surprises. I heard that you had moved to New York. Rumour has it you're making quite a name for yourself out here."

"An artist always does his best work when he has someone he loves to inspire him," Justin replied.

"I didn't realize you guys moved out here together."

"We didn't."

"Oh, sorry. I just thought that since you were both here, that you were here together," Ethan's confusion was evident in his features.

"We are," Justin responded simply. He didn't offer any explanation despite Ethan's obvious curiosity.

"Oh."

Brian decided to take pity on Ethan... and rub his nose in it a little bit. Perhaps he wasn't as over it as he had thought. "New York and Pittsburgh aren't that far apart. Real love can survive some time apart." He wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders and planted a kiss on the top of his head.

"Wow, how things have changed. I'm glad you're happy, Justin." Brian knew that it meant a lot to Justin to hear Ethan say that, whether he was sincere or not.

"Thanks, but we really must be going. It was... strange running into you. Good luck with everything, Ethan."

{*}

"You've been awfully quiet this evening," Brian spoke later that evening, while he and Justin were on the couch watching a movie.

"We're watching a movie," Justin replied, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

"We are. And, usually, by this point of the movie I have no idea what's going on because you haven't stopped talking long enough for me to figure it out." Brian leaned in and gently kissed Justin's neck. "And usually it doesn't matter because we've moved on to other," he slowly slid his hand up Justin's thigh, "more interesting things."

"Sorry. Guess I'm just a little distracted," Justin spoke breathlessly as Brian stroked Justin's cock though the thin material on his pants. "I can't believe we ran into Ethan today."

Brian's hand stilled. "You're thinking about Ethan right now?"

"No. Yes. Not really. Did you mean what you said?"

"Probably," Brian said with a sigh, running a hand across his face. He pushed himself up to sit next to Justin, "What are you talking about?"

"About our love being greater than the distance between here and Pittsburgh? Do you really believe that? Or were you just saying that for Ethan's benefit."

"Why would I ever do anything for Ethan's benefit?"

"I just... You don't usually... It's nice to hear you say things like that. To know that things haven't changed." Justin reached out for Brian's hand, taking it his and running his thumb against the inside of Brian's wrist.

"I told you things wouldn't change. Where is all this coming from?"

"I don't know. I guess... It's just hard not seeing you all the time. And seeing Ethan today just kind of threw me a bit. I can't help but worry."

Brian pulled Justin to him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and running his fingers through Justin's hair. "We've come this far. There's no stopping us now."

{*}{*}{*}

"Hello?" Justin spoke into his phone after rushing out of the shower and fishing it out of his bag, water dripping everywhere.

"Hey, Sunshine." Justin smiled at Brian's voice. "What are you wearing?"

Justin laughed. "Nothing. I just got out of the shower."

"You always know just what to say." Justin could hear the laughter in Brian's voice. These were the times he most missed Brian. It wasn't the big things; it was the way his voice sounded when he was amused. It was the faint smell of shampoo from the pillow next to his. It was predatory look Brian got in his eyes when he was turned on. Justin knew that Brian had that look in his eyes now. He wished he could see it.

"It's even the truth," Justin responded, "I had to rush to get to the phone on time; I've still got water dripping down my body."

"Oh, I do love the way you look all wet. Wish I could have been there to keep you company in the shower," Brian's voice took on a wistful quality that told Justin he was right about where this conversation was headed.

"It would have been nice. I could have used someone to wash my back," Justin shot back, intentionally not playing along with Brian. He smiled at the thought of Brian washing his back. It was another one of the little intimacies that he missed.

"Not exactly what I had in mind," Brian's voice was husky with arousal. Brian had intended for an innocent phone call, but with Justin in another state, he was always horny for him and Justin's words had quickly changed Brian's intentions.

"Well, what did you have in mind?" Justin asked, his voice full of innocence. It was hardly the first time a much more innocent conversation had turned into phone sex, but it was still a fun game to play.

"Doesn't matter, you're out of the shower now. All wet and naked. I would love to run my hands all over your body." Justin closed his eyes, listening to Brian's words, imagining Brian was there. "Lick the droplets off your skin. Stroke your hard cock. Slide my dick into your tight ass."

"I want you inside of me." Justin dropped his towel and climbed into bed. He leaned against his pillows and started slowly stroking his hard cock. He would have preferred to have Brian there with him, but he was willing to settle for the next best thing.

"How much?" Brian's wanted nothing more than to plunge himself into Justin and stay buried inside him all night.

"All of you. Slowly." He grabbed the dildo that had been a gift from Brian from his bedside table. He applied some lube and slowly slid the dildo inside himself, exhaling sharply at the cold. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Brian inside him.

Brian grunted into the phone. He stroked himself quickly as he listened to Justin's laboured breathing. "I want to fuck your tight ass all night," Brian panted. Justin moaned into the phone. For several minutes they didn't exchange any words, just listened to each other's sounds of pleasure to guide their own actions.

"Mm... I'm just about to come. Fuck me harder."

"Oh God, I'm so close." Justin could hear Brian's laboured breathing and it did more for him than anything Brian could have said.

"Ah! Brian, just a little more." Brian didn't need Justin's words to know how close he was. He could tell by the way Justin was panting that he was almost there. Brian sped up the strokes on his own cock, bringing himself right to the edge.

"Come on, Justin, come with me. Come with me." Justin's moan told Brian that he did exactly as he asked. It was the sound of Justin's grunt combined with the memory of his face as he came, that tipped Brian over the edge and he came.

They were both quiet while they came down from their respective orgasms. Justin closed his eyes and just listened to Brian breathing. Once he had calmed down slightly and caught his breath, he spoke quietly into the phone, "Well, I guess I'll need another shower."

"Careful, Sunshine. Keep talking like that and we'll end up right back where we started."

"And that's a bad thing?" Justin asked innocently.

"That's never a bad thing, but I did call for a reason and we may never get to it if you keep talking like that," Brian responded.

"You mean you didn't just call because you missed me?"

"Not this time." Justin smiled. Brian missed him just as much as he missed Brian. "I wanted to know what you're doing for Christmas this year."

"Coming home, I guess. I haven't really given it much thought. Why?"

"Thought I'd take a trip up north. Thought you might like to come."

"Up north?"

"The munchers are stuck working and won't make it back to the Pitts for the holiday. I thought I'd travel to Toronto to celebrate Christmas with my son."

"And you want me to come with you?" Justin asked, he was sure that was what Brian was implying, but it was such an unexpected suggestion that Justin had to double check that he understood.

"Was that unclear? I would like to spend Christmas with my son, but I'll never survive the holiday alone with the munchers. I need you there for moral support."

"That's an interesting proposition. I did miss the last trip we planned to Canada. I would love to go with you."

{*}{*}{*}

"We'll be there soon. Just leaving now." Justin spoke into his phone as he rushed around his apartment, pulling on his coat, his friends practically pushing him out the door. "Wait guys, where are my keys?"

"Come on Justin, we're already late. Why are you gays all so high maintenance?"

"Shut up," Justin laughed, throwing a book at his friend. "It's my birthday. I can't be late. The party can't start till I get there."

"Then let's get the party started."

Justin couldn't wait to get out and party with his friends. He had met some great people in New York, but they were all young and trying to make their ways in the big city so they rarely had time to all get together and have fun. It wasn't like Pittsburgh where he could go out every night. While he sometimes missed that life and all the things that came with it, it was a great feeling to be in the city and taking care of himself. To be working hard and actually have it pay off.

He was jarred out of his musings by the ding of the arriving elevator, and when the doors slid open his heart nearly stopped.

"Good evening, Sunshine," Brian smirked. "Have I caught you at a bad time?" Before Justin knew what was happening, Brian's mouth was on his and, as Brian's tongue caressed his, Justin forgot about everything else in the world. Brian kissed along Justin's jaw and moved down his neck. Justin grabbed the front of Brian's coat, pulling him closer.

Things came to an abrupt halt when a small cough sounded from behind Justin.

"How rude of you, Sunshine. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Brian asked, shooting a sarcastically sweet smile over Justin's shoulder.

"Of course, what was I thinking?" Justin shot back, mockingly.

"Bet I know," Brian muttered just loud enough for Justin to hear.

"Guys, this is Brian. Brian, this is Julia and Matt," Justin said, gesturing to each of his friends in turn.

"Nice to meet you," Brian responded, shaking hands with each of Justin's friends.

"You too," Julia said. "I don't mean to be rude, but we are running late."

"You guys go ahead. I'll meet you there," Justin said.

"Come on, Justin, we're already late. You can fuck him another time," Matt responded, frustration evident in his voice. It wouldn't be the first time Justin had bailed on plans to hook up with some guy. Justin's friends had managed to figure out that Justin had left someone he loved back in Pittsburgh, but whenever they asked questions, he changed the subject, so they had no idea that said someone was right in front of them.

"I told you, it's my party, I can't be late. Go. I'll just be a few minutes. I promise"

"Sure you do," Matt sighed. "Fine. See you later." Matt pulled Julia into the elevator and pressed the button to shut the door without looking at Justin, telling Justin that everything was not fine.

"He seems like a friendly fellow," Brian chuckled as the doors closed. He pulled Justin back against him, kissing his neck, starting right where he had left off.

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait." Justin pushed Brain away, breathing hard. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming this weekend."

"You didn't think I'd miss your birthday, did you?" Justin gave Brian a look of disbelief, telling him exactly what he thought. "Okay, fair enough," Brian laughed, "I wanted to surprise you."

"I love you."

"Show me," Brian smirked, slowly pulling Justin back towards his apartment, kissing him as he walked.

"I would love to," Justin replied, kissing Brian slowly. "But..."

"No, no buts." Brian pulled Justin's face back to his.

"_But_ I have a party to go to. It is my birthday."

"Really? I flew all the way here and you're fucking blowing me off?"

"Come with me."

"Ha. I came to spend the weekend with you, not party with some group of fucking kids."

"Come on," Justin pleaded, leaning into Brian and kissing him soundly on the mouth. He pressed his body into Brian's and leaned up to whisper in Brian's ear, "I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for us to sneak away so you can fuck me in the bathroom."

"Fine!" Brian relented. "It has been a while since we fucked in a public bathroom. Could be fun."

Justin couldn't help the grin that split his face. He had been looking forward to this night for weeks and to have Brian show up to surprise him just made it that much better.

{*}

"Wow! Didn't expect to see you here so soon," Matt said when Justin and Brian walked into the restaurant.

"It's my birthday dinner, I didn't want to be late," Justin retorted, flashing Matt a cheeky grin. "Brian, you've met Matt and Julia, and this is Ryan and Brandon. Ryan, Brandon, this is Brian."

"So, Brian, how do you know our boy Justin?" Ryan inquired before the two even had a chance to sit down. No one missed the look and the small smile the two exchanged.

"Oh, we go way back," Brian responded cryptically. Justin hadn't shared very much about his life in Pittsburgh with his friends, and he was glad Brian wasn't sharing. "So, what's good to eat here?" Brian effectively cut off the line of questioning.

Two hours later, Justin couldn't believe what a great night it had been. Brian was amazing and his friends loved him. He couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Just having Brian with him to celebrate, running his hand up and down Justin's thigh as they ate, meant the world.

"Alright guys, ready to move on?" Brandon asked when dinner and dessert was finished and they had polished off more than a couple bottles of wine.

"Where to next?"

"Next, we dance!" Julia replied, her excitement suggesting that she was already feeling the wine.

"If you'll just excuse me for a minute," Brian said, running his hand up Justin's thigh and brushing it against Justin's cock. He shot him a pointed look as he stood from the table and walked to the bathroom.

"Good God, Justin!" Julia exclaimed, turning on Justin as soon as Brian was out of earshot. "Who's the new boy? Or, should I say, old man?" She winked at Justin to take any hostility out of her words.

"Better not let him hear you say that," Justin replied, smiling. "He's a friend from home."

"Seems like more than a friend," Julia retorted, a look of comprehension crossed her face, "Oh my God! That's him, isn't it?"

"Who? Who's him?" Ryan asked, leaning across the table.

"He's _The One,_ right Justin? The Big One?"

Justin smiled, if he was back in Pittsburgh a comment like that never would have passed without some type of lewd innuendo. Instead, all his friends were staring at him intently, waiting to hear Justin's response. "I'm sure he'd like to hear you call him that," Justin smirked. "Yes, that's him."

"Well, wow!" Julia said. Just about summing up what everyone was thinking. "Now I know why you never agree to go out with the boys who ask. He's fucking beautiful and he obviously loves you... God, you're lucky."

Justin smiled. It was nice to hear something like that from someone who didn't know all the struggles he and Brian had gone through. To an outsider they just looked like a couple in love and that made Justin feel amazing. "You know, I'm going to hit the bathroom before we leave."

"Don't take too long. We don't want to have to send a search party."

"You don't even think about it," Justin shot over his shoulder. He walked away from the table to cat-calls and whistles from his friends. It was little things like this that reminded Justin why he loved these guys, they were all straight, but they didn't care that he wasn't. They didn't judge and that was a quality that was hard to find in people.

Justin had barely pushed open the bathroom door before he was grabbed by the front of his shirt and roughly pushed back against it. Brian kissed him hard and deep and fast and then he spun Justin around and pressed his hard cock against Justin's ass. Justin pushed his hips back, trying to get closer. Brian kissed Justin's neck as he moved his hand down to undo his pants.

"I've been waiting for this all night," Brian whispered into Justin's ear. Justin quickly unzipped his own pants and pushed them down over his butt. "I've been hard since we sat down." Brian reached around to stroke Justin as he rolled a condom down his own shaft. He used the hand that wasn't on Justin's dick to quickly spread lube against Justin's hole, slowly pressing his fingers inside to prepare Justin. Justin moaned. Brian quickly removed his fingers and slammed into Justin. Justin called out in pleasure.

Sex with Brian Kinney was like nothing else in the world. And even if it was quick and hard against the door of a public bathroom, it was love, and no one else could compare.

Brian moved quickly, stroking Justin in time with his thrusting. The way he was panting in Justin's ear was making it hard for Justin to stave off his impending orgasm.

"Fuck, Brian! Ah. I'm so close." Before Justin knew what was happening, Brian had pulled out and with one fluid motion he spun Justin around and dropped to his knees. He took Justin into his mouth and ran his tongue across the tip of Justin's cock. Justin was already so close that it only took a few swipes of Brian's tongue before he was coming in Brian's mouth.

"Happy Birthday, Sunshine." Brian stood to kiss Justin. Justin pulled the condom off Brian, dropping it to the floor, and stroked him slowly as they kissed.

"How do you always know exactly what I want." It wasn't a question. "How can I ever thank you?" Justin asked sweetly, an innocent smile on his face. The effect was ruined slightly when Justin knelt and licked the entire length of Brian's shaft.

"It's your birthday. You don't have to thank me."

"How about: it's my birthday and I can do whatever the fuck I want?" Justin asked, "And right now, I want to suck your dick. I want to taste your come in my mouth and after we've gone out and finished celebrating with my friends, I want you to take me home and fuck me so hard I'll still be able to feel you inside me when you're gone." Justin sucked Brian all the way to the back of his throat. He slowly moved his mouth and tongue in a way he knew would drive Brian wild.

{*}

"Come on, slow pokes," Justin taunted as he walked past his friends, still seated at the table, grabbing his coat on the way and dragging Brian by the hand behind him, "We've got some dancing to do. It's time to party!"

Entering the club with Brian by his side, Justin felt like he was back in Pittsburgh. Once he could feel the beat pounding through his body, he couldn't help but move with the music. His friends all went to the bar to get drinks and he pulled Brian to the dance floor, telling them to meet them out there when they wanted.

He and Brian moved together to the beat and Justin forgot everything else that was going on in his life. He was dancing at the club with the hottest guy and he couldn't wait to take him home and end their nights like they always did.

"Want to get out of here?" Justin yelled over the music.

"Now, now, Sunshine. We just got here. It's your birthday. Your friends are here to party with you. It would be rude to leave now. I'm sure we can find some way to have fun."

"There's no back room at this club."

"Have I taught you nothing?" Brian asked skeptically. He put his arms over Justin's shoulders and rocked his hips forward to grind against Justin. He leaned into Justin and pulled him closer, kissing him softly.

{*}{*}{*}

Justin crawled slowly onto Brian's bed, careful not to wake him. He pulled down the sheet to expose Brian's cock and leaned down to suck Brian into his mouth. Brian moaned in his sleep as his cock got hard in Justin's mouth and his hands came up to grab Justin's hair as he woke fully. He moaned at the feeling of Justin's warm mouth and soft tongue against his cock. Brian had probably had thousands of blowjobs in his lifetime, but Justin's were by far the best. It was one of the benefits of being with someone for years. Justin knew the perfect combination of strokes and licks and sucks to make Brian's heart race and his legs shake. As a result, it didn't take long before Brian was coming in Justin's mouth.

"I thought you weren't getting in until tomorrow," Brian spoke quietly as he pulled Justin up to lay against him, his voice husky with arousal. Justin rested his head on Brian's shoulder and gently ran his fingers against Brian's chest as they spoke. Brian wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling him closer.

"I know. After you visited for my birthday, I wanted to surprise you." Brian smiled at Justin's words. He had realized with the Babylon bombing how much he needed Justin in his life. He had fought for years against the love he felt. He had refused to be vulnerable for anyone. Things had changed. Now he was willing to sacrifice anything to make Justin happy. He knew that they would never have been happy together if they both had to give up their lives. Now that Justin was gone, Brian knew how much he truly loved him and how much he wanted him to be happy. He knew that Justin wished he was more romantic; it was the least he could do to visit for his birthday, but it was nice to receive Justin's appreciation.

"Well, you know how much I love waking up to a 3am blowjob," Brian smirked.

"I don't think you care what time the blow job comes," Justin laughed.

"That's true. We can spend all day in bed tomorrow. See if there's an optimal time."

"Nice try, but we can't skip Ted's wedding."

"Why not? We skipped our own." Justin laughed and pulled Brian's face towards him.

{*}

"I can't believe I have to spend my Saturday at the wedding of Theodore Schmidt and Blake Wyzecki. It could, quite possibly, be the dullest thing I will ever do." Brian was standing in front of the mirror in his room, adjusting his collar and tie. He and Justin had spent the morning in bed and it had taken a lot of coaxing from Justin to get him out of bed and dressed.

"Brian, quit whining. They're our friends and it's one fucking day. Get over it!" Justin snapped.

Brian turned around at the sharpness in Justin's tone, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You know." As soon as the words left Justin's mouth, Brian realized what a stupid question it had been. Of course this day would be hard on Justin. He crossed the room and pulled Justin into a hug. He held him and kissed the top of his head.

"I know."

{*}{*}{*}

"It's great to have you back, Sunshine, but don't you dare think about waiting six months before you visit ever again." Debbie said, heading into the kitchen to clean up the dinner mess.

"You better listen to her," Brian spoke when they were finally alone. He slid over on the couch to wrap his arm around Justin's shoulders. Justin reached up to wrap his fingers around Brian's. Brian lightly kissed Justin on the lips. "God, has it really been six months? Six months since we've seen each other? That's a lot of time to catch up on." Brian slowly pushed Justin back, following the movement with his own body, so that when Justin's back hit the arm of the couch, Brian was still pressed fully against him. He captured his mouth in a searing kiss, pouring all his emotion into it. Justin hesitated slightly, then gave in and kissed back enthusiastically, but he pulled back when Brian moved his hands to the top of Justin's jeans.

"Brian, stop." Brian ignored him. "We can't do this," Justin panted out between kisses. After a couple more quick kisses, Brian pulled back.

"I guess you're right," He sighed, brushing his hair off his forehead. "Debbie might spontaneously combust if we started doing it on her sofa. Let's go home."

"That's not the problem. Right now, I really wish it was." Justin pushed Brian back and sat up, he couldn't bring himself to meet Brian's questioning gaze. "There's someone else," he finally said, voice barely a whisper.

"So? Tell me about him, then I'll remind you why I'm the one you always come back to." Brian leaned in to kiss him again. Justin put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"That's not what I mean. I'm seeing someone. A relationship."

"So, this is why you keep cancelling trips home?" Brian asked, and Justin wished he couldn't hear the hurt in Brian's voice.

"I never meant for it to happen. I'm sorry, Brian."

"Sorry's bullshit," Brian said. He got off the couch and walked out the front door.

{*}

Justin walked into the loft, he didn't expect to find Brian at home, but he was so happy that he was. He had known this trip wouldn't be easy, and he had wanted to put it off, but he couldn't avoid Pittsburgh and his family forever and he owed Brian much more than that. He owed him everything. He was a coward and couldn't deny that a small part of him never wanted to tell him. In a weird way, moving to New York had been the best thing to happen to his and Brian's relationship. Sure, they didn't see each other every day, didn't even talk every day, but when they were together, they were really together. Just the two of them. They didn't bring home different men all the time, they spent lazy evenings lounging in the loft, they went sightseeing in New York, spent holidays with their family.

The problem was the miles and time in between. Justin loved Brian, and he always would, but he couldn't spend his life waiting for the days they got to be together.

Brian was sitting on the couch with his back towards the door. Justin knew that Brian heard him come in, but he waited until Justin said his name to turn around. He fixed Justin with an emotionally-empty, expectant stare. Justin didn't know what to say. He had gone over this conversation thousands of times in his head, but being face-to-face with Brian made him forget everything he had practiced.

Finally, Brian spoke, "When?"

"A few months ago. Shortly after Ted's wedding."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried. So many times, I tried. You have no idea how hard it's been."

"What exactly did you think I would do? We broke up, you moved to a different state."

"You know that's not true. It's not that simple. Things with us were never truly over. They never will be. I love you, I have since I was 17 and I will for the rest of my life. No matter what happens though, love has never been enough for us. It never works out. I want to be with you, you know that. But we both need to try and move on. To have some type of life away from each other."

"Did you really think I expected you to be single forever? You should have told me. Isn't that what people in love are supposed to do? Talk about things?"

"I know. And I know that I should have told you from the beginning, but I wasn't ready to let go. I don't want to lose you."

"Well, you can't have us both. You know that, so you've obviously made your choice."

"Brian." But Brian had turned his back on Justin and Justin knew the conversation was over. He knew he wasn't in a position to push the issue. He left, wondering if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

{*}{*}{*}

"So, how did you two meet?" Nights like this reminded Justin why he loved these people that had become a family to him. He had brought Sean home to meet his mother and when Debbie found out she had insisted the two come over for dinner. They had arrived to find that Debbie had invited everyone over for a proper family dinner. And despite the potentially awkward situation of a bunch of Brian's friends sitting down to dinner with Justin's new boyfriend, they all behaved perfectly and Justin was pleased to see them welcoming Sean.

The sound of the front door shutting loudly interrupted Justin as he was telling the gang about meeting Sean. The silence that descended on the table told Justin exactly who he would see when he turned around. He wasn't sure how he would deal with an evening with Brian and Sean in the room together. He didn't think such a situation would ever have arisen. He had no doubt that Debbie would have invited Brian to dinner, but he had not expected the older man to actually show up.

"Sorry I'm late," Brian spoke as everyone continued to stare at him. Justin knew there wasn't a single person at the table who wasn't as confused by Brian's arrival as he was. Except maybe Sean. Justin had told Sean about him, but it was hard to fully explain the relationship he had with Brian. Given the confines of the language and the conventionality of most people's thinking, that is. "I got caught up at the office. The new model for our Brown Athletics campaign is one hell of a drama queen."

"Anything I could help with?" Ted asked, always concerned about the business.

"It's taken care of." Brian pulled up a chair and squeezed into the space between Michael and Blake, placing him directly across the table from Justin and Sean. "So, what did I interrupt?"

Everyone turned to Justin to answer Brian's question.

"Justin was just telling everyone about our first date. I'm Sean, by the way." Sean spoke after enough time had passed to suggest that no one else way going to speak.

"Nice to meet you, Sean. Brian." Brian stood to reach across the table and shake Sean's hand.

"They don't want to hear about our first date," Justin said, looking up at Brian and trying to convey how sorry he was without saying anything.

"Come on, Sunshine. You know how much these queens love to gossip. You've gotta give them something to talk about." Brian smiled to Justin, giving him permission to tell the story. Everyone at the table seemed to relax.

So Justin told the gang the whole story. How he and Sean had met through mutual friends, how it had been months before Justin finally agreed to go out with him, and about their first date. Sean had taken him out for sushi, and for a walk through Sean's favourite part of Central Park.

The rest of the meal passed with relative ease. Debbie spent most of the time talking and asking Sean questions, which Justin had prepared him to expect. It was going well and that made Justin nervous. He spent the whole evening waiting for Brian to do something. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he was sure Brian wouldn't be able to sit at the table all night without making some inappropriate comment. Justin almost wished he would. He wasn't sure how to deal with a Brian that seemed indifferent to Justin's new relationship.

Once dessert had been finished, everyone moved into the living room for more comfortable seating. Brian left out the back door for a smoke and Justin moved to follow him. He squeezed Sean's knee and muttered an "I'll be right back" as he stood from the couch so that Sean wouldn't follow him.

"What the Hell was that?" Justin asked as soon as the door shut behind him.

"What? I didn't do anything. I was nice." Brian faced Justin with a look of utter confusion as he lit his cigarette. He took a drag and then held the cigarette out for Justin. Justin hadn't smoked in months, but he took it anyway.

"I know."

They were both silent for a long time. Justin had no idea what Brian was thinking. He didn't understand how Brian could have been so nice for the whole meal. It was so unlike him at the best of times. He couldn't figure out how to put his thoughts into words that wouldn't make him sound like a huge asshole, so he just stood quietly.

It was strange to be standing on Debbie's porch sharing a cigarette with Brian. It was something they had done countless times before and it just brought home the major change in their relationship that they both just stood leaning against the side of the house. There was no touching, no kissing, no playful banter. It didn't seem right.

"So, what do you want from me?" Brian finally asked.

"I don't know," Justin sighed, "I just thought you'd care." Justin knew he was being unfair. He was the one who had left Brian, and he didn't deserve to expect anything from Brian.

"I do care. I just don't have anything to worry about," Brian spoke softly and moved in so close that Justin's breath caught. He thought Brian was going to kiss him, and he wouldn't have stopped him, but Brian leaned in further to speak softly into his ear, "You don't like sushi."

Before Justin could even register what he had said, Brian was walking back into the house. Justin just leaned against the house, his heart and thoughts racing.

{*}{*}{*}

"What are you doing here?" Brian didn't even look up from the TV as Justin walked into the loft. They hadn't spent any time together in months, not since Justin's visit with Sean. They had spoken on the phone a few times, but the conversations had been superficial. The warmth and intimacy their conversations once held was gone. It was a new situation for Brian and he didn't know how to be friends with Justin. They had never been friends. They never would be.

"Sean asked me to marry him." The words were like a knife in Brian's chest. He didn't think the relationship would last. After meeting Sean, he had known that he wasn't right for Justin. He thought Justin would see it eventually. He stood up and walked into the kitchen. All of a sudden the loft seemed too small.

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked again. For once, he really didn't know what to say. If Justin was going to run off and marry some other guy, it was the last thing he wanted to hear about.

"I don't know," Justin said, frustration evident in his voice. "He asked and I didn't know what to say. He asked and I... had to see you." Justin was still standing near the door, like he was afraid to come closer to Brian. Brian turned his back to Justin, reaching in the fridge to grab himself a beer. He needed a second to think.

"You should have said yes," He finally responded, slowly turning to face Justin. "You love him, he loves you. He can give you the life you want." And Justin knew. He knew that Sean wasn't the life he wanted. He knew that he loved Brian more than he could ever love anyone else. They had tried to move on, but Brian Kinney was the life that Justin wanted. The life he needed. Justin quickly crossed the room and pushed Brian back against the counter, pressing his mouth to Brian's he kissed him deeply and for the first time in months his life felt complete.

Brian pushed him away, just far enough to look into his eyes, "What are you doing?"

"He's not the one I want to be with. I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me too."

"Justin..." Justin pressed his mouth back to Brian's, so he couldn't say anymore. Slowly, Brian relented. Justin was right, this is what he wanted. He knew it was stupid, that he would regret it, but he gave in anyway.

{*}

Brian woke slowly the next morning, rolling over to wrap an arm around Justin. He lay there just enjoying the warmth of Justin's body pressed against his own. After a couple minutes he quietly crawled out of bed to shower.

He came out of the bathroom to find Justin awake and sitting in his bed, "Come back to bed."

"I've got to get to work," Brian said coldly, pulling on pants and reaching into his closet to pull out a shirt. "Not all of us get to work whenever we feel like it."

"Brian, what's wrong?" Justin asked, concern lacing his words and visible on his face. He climbed out of bed to stand in front of Brian.

"I have to get to work. You have a boyfriend to be getting back to."

"What? Brian? I thought-"

"Thought what? That we were going to cuddle in bed all day like some old married couple? We fucked. You wanted it, I wanted it. That's all it was."

"That's _not_ all it was. That's never all it is. Why are you being like this?"

"I'm late. I have to get to work. Go back to New York. Tell Sean you'll marry him. Start your happy life together." Brian grabbed his bag and pushed past Justin, walking out of the loft and leaving Justin staring after him.

{*}

"Justin! Are you paying attention?" Michael asked when he realized that Justin hadn't contributed anything to their conversation for about five minutes. He and Michael were supposed to be working on Rage, but Justin couldn't think about anything but Brian. Last night had been so amazing and thinking about Brian's words this morning made Justin feel nauseous.

"Hmm, what?" Justin looked up to see Michael staring at him. "Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind. Brian and I fucked last night."

"What? Holy shit!" Michael exclaimed, his voice raised in shock. Several people in the diner turned to look at them.

"Shh! Fuck, Michael,"

"Sorry, of all the things I expected you to say, that never even crossed my mind. What the Hell happened?"

"Sean asked me to marry him..."

"Jeeze, no wonder you haven't been listening. I think we can set Rage aside for the day. You need to fill in some gaps for me." So Justin told him. He told him everything, from Sean's proposal to Brian walking out on him in the morning.

Michael didn't say a word the whole time Justin was speaking, and when he finished, Michael just sat silently for several minutes. Finally, the silence was too much for Justin, "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing. I don't even know where to start."

"Tell me what to do,"

"You know what to do. If you want to be with Brian you need to tell him,"

"I already did tell him! He blew me off."

"Then you need to make sure he understands! You don't know how hard it was for him when you started dating Sean. He wants more than anything for you to be happy, but you're the only person he has ever loved. You know him better than anyone. You know what it took for him to open up to you. To finally be willing to grow up and settle down, and how hard it was for him to let you go.

"When you left, things didn't really change that much. He hadn't really lost you, but when you started dating Sean, he had to accept that it was over, that even though you left years ago, he was finally losing you.

"Having you come back after months of hardly any contact to tell him that you want to be with him again, of course he gave in. It's what you do when you're in love. Even if you know it's not a good idea. You know Brian, though. He's not the type to wait around to be hurt. He probably woke up this morning expecting you to regret what happened, to tell him it was a mistake, so he had to beat you to it. He couldn't give you the chance to hurt him again."

"Oh, my God! How could I have been so stupid." Justin slapped a hand to his face. Of course Michael was right. He should have been able to figure out what Brian was doing. He'd seen him do it a hundred times.

"Love makes people stupid. You need to take some time and figure out what it is you want because you won't get another chance. If you rush into a decision and in a few months' time decide you've made a mistake, Brian will never forgive you. You will lose him forever. So be sure. Be one hundred percent sure. Cause this is it. It's your last chance. If you're not willing to risk it all, then go back to Sean, tell him you'll marry him and let Brian go."

"He won't take me back. He thinks being together means I am sacrificing my life."

"You know, for someone so smart, you sure can be dumb. He loves you, even after all these years. Convince him that you haven't sacrificed your life for him, and he'll take you back. Relationships are built on compromise. Sacrifice and compromise are not the same thing. Make him see that. And make sure you believe it, too."

{*}

Michael walked into Kinnetik to find Brian. He knew that, after everything that Justin had told him, Brian could use a friend. He was lying on the couch in his office flipping through magazines. Michael watched him through the open door for several minutes, long enough to know that Brian was just fidgeting to distract himself.

"Are you going to come in?" Brian asked.

"I thought you might want to get lunch."

"So, Justin told you what happened."

"Brian..." Michael didn't know what to say. He knew he was fighting an uphill battle to get Brian to discuss his feelings, but he wasn't about to let Brian throw away his chance at happiness because he was too stubborn to give into his feelings.

"Well, I'm fine. Last night was a mistake. I know it. Justin knows it. We just need to move on. I don't need to talk about it." Brian sat up on the couch and he leveled Michael with a glare that dared Michael to keep talking.

Michael moved to sit on the couch next to Brian and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. "Come on, let's get some lunch."

"I have a lot of work to do." Brian moved to sit behind his desk. "And don't you have a comic book to finish?"

"Justin went back to New York." Brian didn't look up from the papers he was shuffling, but the brief pause in his movements told Michael his words had the desired effect.

"He left? Good, he should be in New York."

"Brian, you don't honestly believe that."

"We're not talking about this."

"I know how you feel about him. You can't tell me you're going to let him leave again. After everything that happened. I know how hard it was for you to let him go, but it was the right decision. It's not the same this time."

"Nothing's changed."

"When was your last trick?" Michael knew exactly how long it had been, but he wanted Brian to acknowledge it.

"I don't know. A few weeks," Brian responded, trying to pass the admission off as insignificant. It was no secret that one of the biggest obstacles of Brian and Justin's relationships had been Brian's inability to settle down, to commit to Justin the way he wanted. When Brian had asked Justin to marry him, it had been too soon. He had wanted to make Justin happy and had tried to change to accomplish it, but since Justin had left, Brian had changed on his own. He wasn't staying home because it would make Justin happy; he was staying home because he didn't need to go out partying and sleeping around every night.

"Exactly."

{*}{*}{*}

"Michael told me you left," Brian said when he opened the door to find Justin standing on the other side. He had expected to find Michael wanting to discuss his feelings a little more.

"I did. I had to talk to Sean," Justin responded as Brian walked back to the couch, but Justin's next words caused him to pause, "I ended things." That wasn't what Brian had expected to hear. He figured that Justin had realized his mistake and had gone running back to New York and Sean. He couldn't deny the weight that Justin's words lifted from his shoulders, but he was still concerned about Justin's reasons and the impulsiveness of such a huge, life-altering decision.

"You shouldn't have done that." He didn't know what else to say. He slowly lowered himself to the sofa. He was having trouble processing the thoughts racing through his mind.

"No, I never should have left in the first place," Justin moved to sit next to Brian, curling one leg under himself so he could face Brian and so close that his knee brushed Brian's thigh. "Everything I want is right here, it's always been right here. You're everything I've ever wanted."

"I told you, I don't want to be with someone who gave up their life for me."

"You still think I'm giving up my life? I've already had more life than most people my age. I've been almost murdered, I have a successful comic book, for which I spent months working in LA on the movie; I've made thousands of dollars selling my artwork, artwork that can be made anywhere. I can have the life I want here. There's nothing I found in New York that I can't have here, with you. The most important thing is that I've found the love of my life and I don't want us to be apart anymore."

"We want different things." Brian didn't even turn to look at Justin when he spoke. He knew it was a feeble argument, but he was having trouble finding arguments against everything Justin was offering him. He could deny it to Michael, but not to himself, the other night with Justin had been amazing and had left him wishing for nothing more than to have Justin back in his bed every night and to wake up next to him every morning.

"That's bullshit! Three years ago you were ready to give up your way of life for me, and I for you. We want the same thing! To be together. The rest doesn't matter. We will figure it out. All relationships require a little compromise.

"When I first met you, everyone warned me that you would never care about me, that I would never be more than a one night stand. Five years later you asked me to marry you. I never needed you to give up your life to be with me, just knowing you would be willing to was always enough for me. You're the life I want. _We're_ the life I want. You're the only one who will ever matter. We've been through Hell and back together and we're still here and we're still in love. You can't tell me you don't still love me. I've always known you better than that. You're the one who said it was only time. I know you meant it and now I know you were right."

"You're right. I do love you. That hasn't changed, but the reasons you left mean even more now. You're a successful artist; you'd be giving up even more now. You've hardly scratched the surface of what you can accomplish."

"You don't know that. I've already become way more successful than most artists could ever hope to be. It's more than I ever thought I'd achieve, and it's all I need. I'm not giving anything up. You were right before, I shouldn't have given up my chance in New York. Now I don't have to. I have agreements with galleries to carry my artwork and I have an agent to find more and to find people to buy my work. It doesn't matter where I am making that art. Sure, I could stay in New York and maybe become a famous artist, but I could also stay in New York and never become any more successful than I am now. There are no guarantees, Brian. I just know that I want to be here. With you. That's what would make me happiest. The rest doesn't matter. "

Brian was quiet for a long time. Justin just sat in silence while Brian thought and Brian loved him all the more for it. He knew that Justin understood exactly what he was asking of Brian. Finally, Brian spoke, "You've given this a lot of thought."

"I have. This isn't a decision I made lightly."

"Good."

And then Brian was kissing him.

{*}{*}{*}

"Sure you want to go through with this?" Justin asked as he and Brian stood together on Debbie's porch. It had been three months since they had gotten back together. They had spent the time sorting out the logistics of their new life together and had yet to share the news with their friends. Despite the fact that they had spent most of the time apart, Justin had gone back to New York to organise his life there and prepare for his move back to Pittsburgh, it was the happiest Justin had been since he and Brian had called off their wedding.

Only Michael knew that the two had rekindled their relationship and he was under strict orders to keep it a secret until the two were ready to tell everyone, which was tonight. Debbie had invited everyone over for a family dinner since Melanie and Lindsay were in town with Gus and JR and Brian and Justin decided it would be a great idea to tell everyone when they were all together.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Brian replied, grabbing Justin's hand. They had shown up late deliberately, to make sure that everyone would be there before them. "Here goes..." Brian pushed the door open.

"Well it's about fucking time," Debbie said as soon as she saw Brian in the doorway, "I didn't think I'd see..." Debbie began when she saw Justin walk in behind Brian, but then trailed off when she noticed their joined hands. "Oh my fucking God!"

"What is it, Deb?" Jennifer asked, coming in from the kitchen. Her eyes quickly landed on Brian and Justin. "What? Oh. Does this mean...?" Her question trailed off.

Justin let go of Brian's hand and moved past him to the kitchen where everyone was seated around the table. "Brian and I have something we would like to tell everyone," Justin began. Brian walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Justin, making it unnecessary for him to say anything else.

Everyone knew how strained the relationship between the two had been in the months since Justin had announced he was seeing someone else, so they all understood the significance of Brian's gesture. The kitchen quickly erupted into chaos as everyone spoke their congratulations, asked questions and moved to hug and kiss the newly reacquainted couple.

"All right, all right. It's not that big of a deal," Brian finally spoke, raising his voice to be heard over everyone. He, of course, knew it was a huge deal and that their friends would also think so, but he wanted to be able to answer everyone's questions at once, and not have to repeat the same thing over and over again. It was the main reason he and Justin had decided to announce things when everyone was here.

"Yeah, right!" Deb responded. "It's fucking huge!"

"I'm hungry," Brian said, pulling out a chair to sit, "I was told there would be food."Justin smiled and sat next to him. He knew that Brian was just trying to get everyone to settle down, he was fully prepared to answer everyone's questions. Once everyone was once again seated around the table with a plate full of food in front of them, the questions began again.

"So, are you going to tell us what happened?" Debbie asked.

"I just realized that this is where I was meant to be," Justin responded. His answer was very much the truth, and it was all their friends needed to know. They didn't need to know about Sean's proposal and his fight for Brian. They had discussed beforehand what they would share with the group and what would be private.

"So," Brian continued, "he begged me to take him back and you know I could never say no to this beautiful face." He grabbed Justin's chin and gave his head a little shake to emphasize his point. Justin laughed and leaned over to kiss Brian on the cheek, but Brian moved his face to capture Justin's lips in a quick kiss.

"What about New York?" was Lindsey's question. Justin wasn't surprised that this question had come from her. She had always been his biggest supporter and Justin knew she would be concerned about his future.

"I'm moving back to Pittsburgh. I'll still have to spend a few days a month in New York to meet with my agent and the galleries carrying my work and when I have shows opening, but I can do my work here. I'm hoping to get my art into a few of the galleries in Pittsburgh, maybe even in other cities." He and Brian had discussed talking to Lindsey about getting his art into some of the galleries in Toronto. It was something Lindsey had mentioned when they visited Toronto, but something Justin hadn't given much thought while he was in New York.

"Are you moving back to the loft?" Jennifer asked. Justin laughed. His friends and family were so predictable.

"No, we're selling it. Know a good realtor?" Brian joked. "We're going to get a house, but not quite so far out of the city as the last one." They had spent more time discussing this than anything else. Justin loved that Brian had bought him a huge dream house when they were planning to get married, but he knew that Brian hated the country, and he wanted him to have a home they could both love. They had played with the idea of keeping the loft, but finally decided that it wasn't the type of home they wanted together and it wouldn't be practical. They needed more space, especially for Justin to make his art. He didn't want to have to rent a separate space for that. Brian still refused to move to Stepford Fag Avenue, as he called it, which was fine with Justin. He didn't care where they lived.

"Are you going to get married, now?" A question from Ted.

"Tried that once, didn't really take," Brian responded. Making everyone at the table laugh.

"We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other," Justin added, looking Brian in the eye as he spoke. It wasn't something said for the other people at the table, and wasn't meant to diminish their commitments, most of them being married couples now. It was meant to reassure Brian that Justin was okay with their decision. That what he said all those years ago was still true. Their relationship had survived countless obstacles, but they were together again and still in love. Maybe one day they would get married, but for now Justin had everything he wanted from Brian and they didn't need to get married to affirm their commitment.

"Sounds like you guys have managed to figure things out pretty well. That's what I call great compromise." Michael winked at Justin.

"Nah, Mikey," Brian countered, "Call it love."


End file.
